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I had the chance to speak with a friend who lived for several years in
“Well, for one thing, they’re not nearly as fat as the women here.” He continued, “In America, if a person is fat, we can’t say anything about it. In
Huh. Cultural differences are pretty interesting, aren’t they? Even our culture (for Americans at least) is helping to keep us fatter. Seriously, have you ever noticed that the word FAT is like the F-word in
In reality, I think the Italians were the nice ones. They had the heart to actually say what needed to be said. They were caring enough about the person to actually try to help them. How often do we actually do that?
Addiction
Why is it that we can talk to a smoker and tell them that their bad habits are harmful for their health, but we can’t say the same about people who are in the habit of overeating and living a sedentary lifestyle? Does this make any sense at all?
It shouldn’t be that different. In fact, if you are overweight, I’m going to do you a big favor right now and tell you what you need to hear. You are too fat.
The good news is that you are already reading this, meaning that you are probably going to do something about it. Perhaps what we should all do is learn to break the honest truth to the people around us in a way that will motivate them to take action. Being honest with people can go a long ways to helping them change their habits. Here’s a quick example:
I knew a girl several years back who had very curly hair. She wore it in a big curly mass around her head every day. One day, I noticed she had straightened it, and it almost made her look like a totally different person. She looked much better.
Another month went by before I saw her wearing the straight hair again. She got a few compliments on her hair. She asked me if I liked it.
“Sure, it looks great. Your head doesn’t look so big now.”
Alright, I already know. I am a complete jerk. I realized it the very moment it came out of my mouth, but it was already too late. The damage was done, and I couldn’t undo it. There are a thousand other ways I could have complimented her hair in a more polite way, but that’s just how it came out.
As bad as I felt after being brutally honest to her, I noticed something. She never wore the giant mass of hair on her head again. Everywhere she went from that day on, she was more attractive. Within a month, she had a new boyfriend… something I’d heard she was working very hard at for quite a while.
Look, the point is not to be a jerk like I am, but to be honest with people in order to help them. If you can do it in a way that is not offensive, then it is best to be open and help people overcome their struggles. It’s time to start letting people know that they are fat and something needs to be done.
They need you to do it for them, because seriously, people aren’t able to be honest with themselves. People will rationalize and tell themselves that being overweight is genetic. Guess what, so is alcoholism. Should we avoid talking about it to alcoholics? Should we try to avoid offending alcoholics and smokers instead of helping them?
We have to help, because these people simply cannot do it for themselves.
The same is true about overeating. Everybody in
Extreme?
If you’re like most people I’ve met, you are so ready to justify your own habits that you will call these views extreme. You’ll think I’m some sort of obsessive health freak, and from that point of view, it’s probably true. But before anybody decides that I’m crazy to compare overeating or junk food binging to smoking or alcoholism, consider a few facts:
- Eight out of ten people over 25 are overweight.
- Type II diabetes in adults 30-40 years old has increased 76% since 1990.
- 20% of all deaths in the
Think about that for a moment. 20% of all deaths were due to heart attacks. Eating better and exercising really are just as urgent to your health as quitting smoking would be.
But, even still, people like us will be labeled as shallow for choosing not to date others who are overweight, overeating, and leading sedentary lifestyles. Are we really so shallow? Is it shallow to consider a person’s lifestyle choices when choosing a significant other?
I would argue that it is not. Choosing a person who wants to live a healthy, clean life is not shallow in the least bit. Live your life that way, and be honest enough with others to help them do the same… even brutally honest if necessary.
Laziness is how we get fat. Denial is how we stay that way.
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April 13th, 2008 at 3:24 am
I think you’re right; a lot of fat (or overweight) people live in denial.
But denial is the same as not having any control or power over yourself, and this is very self-destructing.
Nice post Jason, hope it will help some people to open their own eyes and look themself in the mirror and admit: “fuck. I’m fat!”
April 13th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Eight out of ten people over 25 are overweight.
Type II diabetes in adults 30-40 years old has increased 76% since 1990.
20% of all deaths in the United States were due to heart attacks in the year 2004.
^Those figures are staggering! Eight out of ten people over 25 are overweight nowadays! That’s insane! It boggles the mind how with so many resources to teach one’s self about how to exercise and eat and healthy as well as all the obvious facts of what people should and shouldn’t do for wellness, and yet, people still stuff their faces with fast food and smoke and drink!
I will admit that I do not respect obese people that don’t put out any effort to better themself. There’s no excuse for it, and I agree with you Jason, fat people should be addressed as fat people in a serious manner cause they obviously don’t realize the damage they are doing to themselves.
My stepdad is way overweight and I got him on a basic barbell program right now, we’ll see if he sticks with it…
Lol at Alex’s comment
April 14th, 2008 at 1:07 am
Alex- And I thought I was being brutally honest
Sean- Well, you’ve got a point. I respect overweight people for the good aspects of their lives they lead, but it seems that alot of us in the USA are in serious denial. It seems like half the people don’t want to hear anything about it, and the other half would change if they could get the motivation to do it. Those are the people that can be helped.
Interesting that you’ve got your stepdad going on a basic barbell program. I’ve done the same with my own step dad (funny coincidence). He asked if he should buy a bowflex. You know what I told him. Now there’s a power rack in the garage.
April 14th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Interesting article. I too have looked at overweight people and have wanted to slap some sense in to them, but this is where we should tread gently. I stopped smoking and dropped about 40lbs a couple of years ago, so I’ve seen both sides. What I remember about my smoking days is that I despised people telling me how bad it was. I got to the point that when someone told me I shouldn’t smoke, I would tell them they shouldn’t offer unsolicited advice. I knew it was wrong, but I needed to find my own reasons to quit smoking and get in shape. There was nothing funnier to me than seeing people drive to a gym so they could run.
I think if you really care about someone’s welfare you should definitely bring the subject up at some point, but leave it alone after that. People should be free to screw up their lives as they see fit.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:00 am
I have a few Asian and Indonesian friends who have that same brutal honesty that you spoke of. At first it was hard to adjust to, but after you realize that their intent isn’t to harm it really makes you consider what they are trying to tell you to correct.
I really liked that last sentence, BTW. Highly effective.
April 14th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
You make an excellent point about alcoholism and obesity: both have a genetic component and a psychological/behavioral component, but you’ll never hear someone making the excuse, “I’m just an alcoholic because of my genes” and getting away with it.
April 14th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Lol that is a funny coincidence! I can only imagine what your response must have been to the bowflex question
I have my stepdad box squatting, bench pressing, military pressing, rowing, and deadlifting.
He’s doing fine with everything but the deadlifts, it’s almost as if he’s gone his entire life without knowing how to safely lift with the legs and lower back.
I got him starting out real light for now, I can’t wait to see him start piling on a little weight and maybe that will give him some more motivation.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:26 am
Hi, Thanks for a great post and I agree with everything you said. However the girl featured on the top of your post is clearly pregnant. Granted she also seems to be overweight, but her belly is large simply because there’s a new human being growing inside of her!
April 15th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Carmit- What’s clear to a female (I’m guessing you are) is not always clear to me. I liked the original pic pretty well because of the sad expression on her face… she didn’t look particularly pregnant to me… but I’ll admit that I’m stupid when it comes to pregnant women. New fat picture posted! I’m pretty sure the guy in this picture isn’t pregnant.
Justin- I think you pretty much sum it up perfectly. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Jeremy- Dead on. The Asian culture is also really into being thin, but for some reason the Asian women are very sensitive about their age (even if they’re young) but they are not sensitive about talking about weight. They were the ones that made me realize how much our fat sensitivity is a cultural thing.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Guess I’ll be the only one to disagree (so far). I don’t like unsolicited opinions – no matter what topic it’s about. I’m not sure from the article if you were going to be ‘honest’ when someone asks you. And not clear if this honesty is going to be for people you know – or just to anyone who crosses your path.
Talking to a stranger about their weight obligates them to explain something to you – whether it’s their eating habits, or a medical condition that they might have – (no, laziness is NOT the only way to get fat). I know I don’t wish to discuss my business with anyone I don’t know and I’m not obligated to.
And I guess I must put this disclaimer – no I’m not fat.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
People should be free to screw up their lives as they see fit.
Should they? Do you realize that each person that decides to live unhealthy is raising your cost for healthcare? In my experience people who are extremely overweight tend to be toward the bottom half of the socio-economic spectrum. Not everyone but many of the habits that lead to obesity aren’t exactly the types of things that help you do really well in a job.
When these people get sick their medical bills are paid by the rest of the population through taxes or through higher healthcare costs.
Even for affluent obese people who have insurance, their medical bills cause premiums to go up for everyone.
I know it is hard for people who have developed bad habits to break them, so I do understand that it can be a very difficult thing for someone to change their weight. But the problem goes beyond just having an effect on their own lives.
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Hey… I’m Fat!
I have known I was fat for some time but that roll around my belly, my age approaching 30 and some liver enzymes a little high (mild fatty liver) have me finally doing something about it.. I am not morbidly obese but pretty darn close. I don’t mind someone telling me, hey go workout.
I just joined a gym a few weeks ago, have been eating better for the past 6 months (am down about 15 pounds from my “all time high” to being below 200 for the first time in awhile… 5′10″..) I am now trying to get myself into 30 mins (at least) of cardio for 5-6 days a week. And I am working with a Personal Trainer to develop and work into a “respectable” program.
I tell you what.. I feel like a moron sitting there doing skull crushers with 10lbs (with proper form though) or chest presses with 30lb dumbbells… But eventually you can’t call me fat.
So it’s a motivator. It’s in your approach. A doctor out this way got in a lot of trouble for telling a patient that wouldn’t listen to any other approach, “You are fat”. Some people need that.
Now if you gym rats just promise you won’t laugh at the guy doing 10lb skull crushers or struggling to get through 2 sets of 12 rep wide leg presses and 2 sets of 12 rep close knee leg presses with only 90lbs I’ll be up there someday…
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Great article! I think lifestyle is the absolute BIGGEST factor in determining whether or not you’ll get along with a significant other. What are their values? Where are their priorities? That’s what makes the person; their body and surroundings are a reflection of that.
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Mike- Hey man, we all have to start somewhere. Really, I don’t think anybody’s going to laugh at a guy that’s sweating hard in the gym to look better. If anything, that’s an inspiration. I saw I really overweight dude sweating really hard and gritting his teeth in the gym once… and after seeing that I felt all the more like getting in a good workout. I like your mindset though. Changing your body type is only a matter of time… don’t give up.
Trev- Yeah, it’s really not all about looks. Sure, dating a person that looks great by keeping in shape can be a huge plus, but the fact that you can enjoy sports or the outdoors together, eat similar foods, share similar work ethics… lifestyle is so important.
May 10th, 2008 at 6:41 am
Yes, I am. And I agree that we should be much more open and discuss this issue. It seems, as a country, we’ve begun to accept fat. There is a price.
December 1st, 2008 at 10:17 pm
You know, it’s true. I definitely feel like I walk on eggshells sometimes when I talk to someone fat and feel like I committed a crime when I make a fat joke.
Americans are fatties. Whenever I go out, I challenge myself to notice all of the fat people instead of the few remaining thin ones. I usually feel that there are more fat people than there are thin.
Our culture is out of control and it stems to the very soul of our nation’s being – consumerism and capitalism. Everything is about the bottom line. Customers look for the price and producers look for the profit. Customers want to pay a small price and producers want to pay a small price and receive a large profit.
What is the way to do this? For customers, accept non-value added products that are cheap, and for producers cut costs as much as possible at the price of severely reducing quality.
Until our companies start making it more convenient for customers to eat healthy and when our customers start being more responsible and making better choices about their diets, we will always see fat people.
In addition to this, with education levels declining, your average person doesn’t think about what they eat and don’t know anything about basic nutrition such as calories and how many calories are required for the average adult in a day. For the average person who knows, they probably don’t care.
Don’t forget about obese children either and the obese parents who raised them – it’s generational!
December 5th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
This is a very good posting.
I live in Mississippi, the state with the highest obesity rate in our nation. Our obesity problem stems from the fact of a very, very unhealthy tradition of eating. Not only are we encouraged to eat unhealthy but to eat lots of it. Our great grandmothers and grandmothers and mothers, took such pride in their cooking and to not eat lots of it, was offensive to them. Their cooking involved tons of sugars and fats. I grew up in this environment and I really got FLUFFY. But my grandmothers would say, “Look at the Boy He’s so healthy”(No Grandma, I’m FAT). So I really agree with K, it’s generational.
What changed my disposition was that I got fed up with all of the negativeness associated with obesity. For example: Fatigue, Unhealthy, unattractiveness, and the list goes on. My first step was to go on a detox program, which included juicing. After the juicing I altered my diet to more fruits and veggies. I began to notice a change in everything. I felt so much better, I began to drop pounds, etc. THIS WAS THE MOST POWERFUL MOTIVATOR FOR ME. It wasn’t someone telling me I was obese. Because many times people’s comment to someone that they are fat are usually destructive(Comical in nature, making fun of, insulting) and not constructive at all.
Now, my whole lifestyle has changed, I eat lots of fruits and veggies. I eat organic foods, workout, detox, etc.
I have friends and people that I know who were unhealthy and overweight. I care for them and I wanted to take them directly to the solution. I would cooked healthy meals and offer them some. They gladly ate it. As we ate I talked of the benefits of eathing healthy and how it can be fun and not boring. I recommended supplements and detox programs, etc. You want believe how many people I’ve helped with this approach. Once they saw and felt the benefits, as I did, it became the motivator for them. I was so happy. They were people just like you and me, who simply needed someone to gently lead them to the solution.
So my suggestion, is to help lead people to a solution, instead of just pointing out their problem.
January 20th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Just found this website and I’ve been looking through all the posts. Very nice site you’ve got here! Will be adding it to my homepages.
Anyway, I really loved this article. The near-mandatory “political correctness” of this country is NOT something that makes me happy to be an American. Not only does it hinder progress in people’s lives, but it also just makes us look like a bunch of weenies who can’t handle the truth. If we could learn to forgo the ‘erm’s, ‘um’s, and ‘well’s, and quit with the “I never!”s when someone is honest and obviously means no harm, I’m sure we’d all be in a much better state.
As for being a fatty being so harmful to your health, I couldn’t agree more. If I had my way white sugar and white flower would be outlawed!
June 12th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
I’ve known this person 20 years and just today she sends me a picture of her 3 kids. There all young adults, under 30 and there all fat. She wanted me to notice her kid had just graduated and all I could see was how fat they all were! She’s not particualarly thin and has had many health problems but proclaims there all happy and healthy and was upset I mentioned they were over weight! Good lord! Talk about denial at it’s finest! I mean come on!