Brutal Honesty: You Are Fat
By Jason
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I had the chance to speak with a friend who lived for several years in
“Well, for one thing, they’re not nearly as fat as the women here.” He continued, “In America, if a person is fat, we can’t say anything about it. In
Huh. Cultural differences are pretty interesting, aren’t they? Even our culture (for Americans at least) is helping to keep us fatter. Seriously, have you ever noticed that the word FAT is like the F-word in
In reality, I think the Italians were the nice ones. They had the heart to actually say what needed to be said. They were caring enough about the person to actually try to help them. How often do we actually do that?
Addiction
Why is it that we can talk to a smoker and tell them that their bad habits are harmful for their health, but we can’t say the same about people who are in the habit of overeating and living a sedentary lifestyle? Does this make any sense at all?
It shouldn’t be that different. In fact, if you are overweight, I’m going to do you a big favor right now and tell you what you need to hear. You are too fat.
The good news is that you are already reading this, meaning that you are probably going to do something about it. Perhaps what we should all do is learn to break the honest truth to the people around us in a way that will motivate them to take action. Being honest with people can go a long ways to helping them change their habits. Here’s a quick example:
I knew a girl several years back who had very curly hair. She wore it in a big curly mass around her head every day. One day, I noticed she had straightened it, and it almost made her look like a totally different person. She looked much better.
Another month went by before I saw her wearing the straight hair again. She got a few compliments on her hair. She asked me if I liked it.
“Sure, it looks great. Your head doesn’t look so big now.”
Alright, I already know. I am a complete jerk. I realized it the very moment it came out of my mouth, but it was already too late. The damage was done, and I couldn’t undo it. There are a thousand other ways I could have complimented her hair in a more polite way, but that’s just how it came out.
As bad as I felt after being brutally honest to her, I noticed something. She never wore the giant mass of hair on her head again. Everywhere she went from that day on, she was more attractive. Within a month, she had a new boyfriend… something I’d heard she was working very hard at for quite a while.
Look, the point is not to be a jerk like I am, but to be honest with people in order to help them. If you can do it in a way that is not offensive, then it is best to be open and help people overcome their struggles. It’s time to start letting people know that they are fat and something needs to be done.
They need you to do it for them, because seriously, people aren’t able to be honest with themselves. People will rationalize and tell themselves that being overweight is genetic. Guess what, so is alcoholism. Should we avoid talking about it to alcoholics? Should we try to avoid offending alcoholics and smokers instead of helping them?
We have to help, because these people simply cannot do it for themselves.
The same is true about overeating. Everybody in
Extreme?
If you’re like most people I’ve met, you are so ready to justify your own habits that you will call these views extreme. You’ll think I’m some sort of obsessive health freak, and from that point of view, it’s probably true. But before anybody decides that I’m crazy to compare overeating or junk food binging to smoking or alcoholism, consider a few facts:
- Eight out of ten people over 25 are overweight.
- Type II diabetes in adults 30-40 years old has increased 76% since 1990.
- 20% of all deaths in the
Think about that for a moment. 20% of all deaths were due to heart attacks. Eating better and exercising really are just as urgent to your health as quitting smoking would be.
But, even still, people like us will be labeled as shallow for choosing not to date others who are overweight, overeating, and leading sedentary lifestyles. Are we really so shallow? Is it shallow to consider a person’s lifestyle choices when choosing a significant other?
I would argue that it is not. Choosing a person who wants to live a healthy, clean life is not shallow in the least bit. Live your life that way, and be honest enough with others to help them do the same… even brutally honest if necessary.
Laziness is how we get fat. Denial is how we stay that way.
Topics: Dieting & Food |
April 13th, 2008 at 3:24 am
I think you’re right; a lot of fat (or overweight) people live in denial.
But denial is the same as not having any control or power over yourself, and this is very self-destructing.
Nice post Jason, hope it will help some people to open their own eyes and look themself in the mirror and admit: “fuck. I’m fat!”
April 13th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Eight out of ten people over 25 are overweight.
Type II diabetes in adults 30-40 years old has increased 76% since 1990.
20% of all deaths in the United States were due to heart attacks in the year 2004.
^Those figures are staggering! Eight out of ten people over 25 are overweight nowadays! That’s insane! It boggles the mind how with so many resources to teach one’s self about how to exercise and eat and healthy as well as all the obvious facts of what people should and shouldn’t do for wellness, and yet, people still stuff their faces with fast food and smoke and drink!
I will admit that I do not respect obese people that don’t put out any effort to better themself. There’s no excuse for it, and I agree with you Jason, fat people should be addressed as fat people in a serious manner cause they obviously don’t realize the damage they are doing to themselves.
My stepdad is way overweight and I got him on a basic barbell program right now, we’ll see if he sticks with it…
Lol at Alex’s comment
April 14th, 2008 at 1:07 am
Alex- And I thought I was being brutally honest
Sean- Well, you’ve got a point. I respect overweight people for the good aspects of their lives they lead, but it seems that alot of us in the USA are in serious denial. It seems like half the people don’t want to hear anything about it, and the other half would change if they could get the motivation to do it. Those are the people that can be helped.
Interesting that you’ve got your stepdad going on a basic barbell program. I’ve done the same with my own step dad (funny coincidence). He asked if he should buy a bowflex. You know what I told him. Now there’s a power rack in the garage.
April 14th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Interesting article. I too have looked at overweight people and have wanted to slap some sense in to them, but this is where we should tread gently. I stopped smoking and dropped about 40lbs a couple of years ago, so I’ve seen both sides. What I remember about my smoking days is that I despised people telling me how bad it was. I got to the point that when someone told me I shouldn’t smoke, I would tell them they shouldn’t offer unsolicited advice. I knew it was wrong, but I needed to find my own reasons to quit smoking and get in shape. There was nothing funnier to me than seeing people drive to a gym so they could run.
I think if you really care about someone’s welfare you should definitely bring the subject up at some point, but leave it alone after that. People should be free to screw up their lives as they see fit.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:00 am
I have a few Asian and Indonesian friends who have that same brutal honesty that you spoke of. At first it was hard to adjust to, but after you realize that their intent isn’t to harm it really makes you consider what they are trying to tell you to correct.
I really liked that last sentence, BTW. Highly effective.
April 14th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
You make an excellent point about alcoholism and obesity: both have a genetic component and a psychological/behavioral component, but you’ll never hear someone making the excuse, “I’m just an alcoholic because of my genes” and getting away with it.
April 14th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Lol that is a funny coincidence! I can only imagine what your response must have been to the bowflex question
I have my stepdad box squatting, bench pressing, military pressing, rowing, and deadlifting.
He’s doing fine with everything but the deadlifts, it’s almost as if he’s gone his entire life without knowing how to safely lift with the legs and lower back.
I got him starting out real light for now, I can’t wait to see him start piling on a little weight and maybe that will give him some more motivation.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:26 am
Hi, Thanks for a great post and I agree with everything you said. However the girl featured on the top of your post is clearly pregnant. Granted she also seems to be overweight, but her belly is large simply because there’s a new human being growing inside of her!
April 15th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Carmit- What’s clear to a female (I’m guessing you are) is not always clear to me. I liked the original pic pretty well because of the sad expression on her face… she didn’t look particularly pregnant to me… but I’ll admit that I’m stupid when it comes to pregnant women. New fat picture posted! I’m pretty sure the guy in this picture isn’t pregnant.
Justin- I think you pretty much sum it up perfectly. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Jeremy- Dead on. The Asian culture is also really into being thin, but for some reason the Asian women are very sensitive about their age (even if they’re young) but they are not sensitive about talking about weight. They were the ones that made me realize how much our fat sensitivity is a cultural thing.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Guess I’ll be the only one to disagree (so far). I don’t like unsolicited opinions - no matter what topic it’s about. I’m not sure from the article if you were going to be ‘honest’ when someone asks you. And not clear if this honesty is going to be for people you know - or just to anyone who crosses your path.
Talking to a stranger about their weight obligates them to explain something to you - whether it’s their eating habits, or a medical condition that they might have - (no, laziness is NOT the only way to get fat). I know I don’t wish to discuss my business with anyone I don’t know and I’m not obligated to.
And I guess I must put this disclaimer - no I’m not fat.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
People should be free to screw up their lives as they see fit.
Should they? Do you realize that each person that decides to live unhealthy is raising your cost for healthcare? In my experience people who are extremely overweight tend to be toward the bottom half of the socio-economic spectrum. Not everyone but many of the habits that lead to obesity aren’t exactly the types of things that help you do really well in a job.
When these people get sick their medical bills are paid by the rest of the population through taxes or through higher healthcare costs.
Even for affluent obese people who have insurance, their medical bills cause premiums to go up for everyone.
I know it is hard for people who have developed bad habits to break them, so I do understand that it can be a very difficult thing for someone to change their weight. But the problem goes beyond just having an effect on their own lives.
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Hey… I’m Fat!
I have known I was fat for some time but that roll around my belly, my age approaching 30 and some liver enzymes a little high (mild fatty liver) have me finally doing something about it.. I am not morbidly obese but pretty darn close. I don’t mind someone telling me, hey go workout.
I just joined a gym a few weeks ago, have been eating better for the past 6 months (am down about 15 pounds from my “all time high” to being below 200 for the first time in awhile… 5′10″..) I am now trying to get myself into 30 mins (at least) of cardio for 5-6 days a week. And I am working with a Personal Trainer to develop and work into a “respectable” program.
I tell you what.. I feel like a moron sitting there doing skull crushers with 10lbs (with proper form though) or chest presses with 30lb dumbbells… But eventually you can’t call me fat.
So it’s a motivator. It’s in your approach. A doctor out this way got in a lot of trouble for telling a patient that wouldn’t listen to any other approach, “You are fat”. Some people need that.
Now if you gym rats just promise you won’t laugh at the guy doing 10lb skull crushers or struggling to get through 2 sets of 12 rep wide leg presses and 2 sets of 12 rep close knee leg presses with only 90lbs I’ll be up there someday…
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Great article! I think lifestyle is the absolute BIGGEST factor in determining whether or not you’ll get along with a significant other. What are their values? Where are their priorities? That’s what makes the person; their body and surroundings are a reflection of that.
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Mike- Hey man, we all have to start somewhere. Really, I don’t think anybody’s going to laugh at a guy that’s sweating hard in the gym to look better. If anything, that’s an inspiration. I saw I really overweight dude sweating really hard and gritting his teeth in the gym once… and after seeing that I felt all the more like getting in a good workout. I like your mindset though. Changing your body type is only a matter of time… don’t give up.
Trev- Yeah, it’s really not all about looks. Sure, dating a person that looks great by keeping in shape can be a huge plus, but the fact that you can enjoy sports or the outdoors together, eat similar foods, share similar work ethics… lifestyle is so important.
May 10th, 2008 at 6:41 am
Yes, I am. And I agree that we should be much more open and discuss this issue. It seems, as a country, we’ve begun to accept fat. There is a price.